Secret Shame (DAO Awakenings FF)
by castalia2684
Summary: Nathaniel losing his stoic demeanor confronts his father's killer


As Elyssa straighten herself on the plain sturdy oak wood chair she laid the blue colored quill used to write her letter to her loving king inside its ink bottle. She had a tender smile on her delightful honey beige skin contemplating on how Alistair might get jealous of Anders or Nathaniel, in particular Anders. Alistair could think Anders as another Zevran. At least now Alistair knows what is going on with Grey Warden matters. He may be Ferelden's king but still a Warden.

Since that eventful night By Duncan's suggestion Elyssa called herself, Headache. Fearing, before their arrival to Ostagar, Rendon Howe's possible installed spies secured no survivors from Highever castle slaughter existed.

On the day her King arrived with a regiment of Royal guardsmen and the Templar Rylock to inspect the just established Ferelden Grey Warden fortress in Amaranthine. Always her protector Alistair did not leave until the keep met his satisfaction for his wife's safety. Elyssa not yet settled to Vigil's Keep arriving from Denerim, Senechal Veral, told her the news of a thief being subdued by four Orlesian Grey Wardens.

-"Commander…'- spoke an older gentleman of gray hair somewhat taller than Headache, around five feet and eight inches tall in full red steel armor. Thinking the Senechal must have been handsome in his youth. Headache shook her thoughts aside clearing her throat.

-"Ah, Varel, could you please make sure…"- as the Warden put her Theirin Royal Family seal with her Cousland Family seal below her personal letter to her King. The Senechal finishing the Commander of the Grey's sentence, -"…the letter is sent to the King. A personal letter I presume? The letter will be on its way. It should arrive by mid-day tomorrow direct in the King Alistair's hand, Milady."-

Headache looking satisfied by the efficiency of the Senechal giving him a smile asks, -"Thank you, how did you know, Varel?"-

Nathaniel rude, indignant, defiant and demanding unlike the stoic man she knows. Bursts into his father's old study now Headaches' set on being insubordinate towards his senior ranking Warden. He had been back from the Free Marches six weeks now. Had Nathaniel not stopped to gaze at a portrait of a raven haired woman he resembles, Maker knows his father wasn't one for good looks. Nathaniel could have been successful at setting the trap for the Commander had he not changed his mind and attempted to steal small family heirlooms back.

Bitter and angry Nathaniel began, -"Besides stripping my family of our title, lands and home you bring a casteless Dwarf and a Dalish elf. You surpass your decision with bringing a murderer who killed innocent merchants having nothing to do with the death of her clan and her sister's abduction. I can handle Sigrun but the murderer is not welcomed"-. With every passing word his demeanor becoming more aggressive.

Varel extended an annoyed glance Nathaniel, gaze ensuing Nathaniel's steps. -"It is fine, Varel. Please close the door on your way out"-, said Cousland in a controlled manner; both her hands held under her chin to the top of an ornate oak wood desk with Grey Warden griffin sigils on each side of the desk.

The Senechal acknowledged the Warden-Commander's affirmation Varel conveyed a gallant nod and half a bow before turning around to leave. Nathaniel stood in front of Cousland's desk in the study room. Headache waited until the Senechal left before she acknowledged Nathaniel challenging stand in front of her ornate oak wood desk. Nathaniel spouting, -"Are you that desperate for recruits you cannot look for better prospects? I see why you clung to the bastard puppet king at your first opportunity you had to elevate your status. You are nothing but a…"-, saying insolent words in the way a disgraced noble do so. Nathaniel had become a pariah due to the Howe name.

Nathaniel hit a nerve. They have both trained as Assassins but with different sub-classess. Nathaniel trained as a Ranger while Headache trained as a Bard. Cousland grasped at what he persisted. Many times Wynne questioned Headache's intentions with Alistair. Several times suggesting they should cease their romance convinced it will end in heartbreak for both, more so Alistair. The people at Court questioned why Alistair chose Headache, as well as his capacity to rule, and the reason Headache chose Alistair. One of many gossips being, once Fergus, her brother took over the title of Teyrn in Highever she would have nothing but the title of Hero of Ferelden. As soon as her fame dissipated she would be nothing but a plain Warden who was to travel to Weisshaupt and live her remaining days in impoverished obscurity until her Calling.

It took Alistair to use himself as a shield to protect Headache from Flemeth's dragon form. He had received the gash intended for his love. As soon as Headache saw Alistair's limp body and near death from Flemeth's attack. Headache reckless panicked sobbing prayed for the Maker and Adraste to save her lover. Tearful pleas to Alistair desperate attempt to keep him from hemorrhaging covered his massive chest laceration. If not for Sten the Qunari and Wynne the Circle mage who continued with them the group should have died that day. Wynne had to say a quick healing spell while Sten threw the final blow to dragon form Flemeth. In the week it took for Alistair to recover from the danger of his injuries for Wynne to witness Headache's commitment to never leave his side. She realized how wrong she had been over Headache's intentions and affections for Alistair, Wynne apologized for the discouraging their blossoming relationship.

As a Bard, a trade in which Headache learned how to manipulate men or women. The Royal Court judged her; the young single noble women were more than willing to sleep with her Alistair. They have yet to produce an heir to the throne. They sure enjoy trying to every day, night and whenever they escaped the court in whatever semi-private corners they able to find. Once caught in mid intimacy by Eamon. Both found in the throne room with Alistair's trouser down to his ankles. Headache pinned to the back of the throne chair held herself up as both her legs were hooked to her husband. Eamon startled by the sight scorned them much as children for not waiting until nightfall to arrive to their bedroom chambers to enjoy each other. Both laughed as two mischievous children.

Roused from her thoughts and memories in a swift fluid motion Headache stood up from her chair making it fall on to the floor. Nathaniel being the same height as Alistair at six feet tall, the top of her small ringlet curled brownish black hair stood under his chin. Headache put her hair in a bun using featherless quills to keep her hair raised. Dressed in her favorite knee lengthen red colored silk robe embroidered golden roses with a red silk sash tied around her waist. Underneath her robe she wore Alistair's white long sleeved tunic that swam on her voluptuous curvy body barely covered bottom. Alistairs' tunic smelled of sandalwood and citrus. By the time Elyssa realized what she done she was on Nathaniel's face letting him grasp she will not take his belittlement anymore. No more insubordination, no more sense of him assuming he's master and commander of the Keep. He had always been so arrogant. The way he held himself has always irked her. Thank the Maker both families never went through with the marriage plans even though they had attempted for Nathaniel to court her even if it was half of try. Both aware of their age difference their courtship more of an amicable social meeting than romantic. Nathaniel sometimes felt as if he entertained a child in a well developed physique. While Cousland thought she was just being strung along out of pleasantries and family duty.

At present moment, the son of a murderer who killed her family; except for her brother Fergus with no right to the keep and no right to undermine her commands stood direct at her. She's seen more war and death than he has and was as capable as him may be even more to be in command, not him.

They stood in front of each other. Nathaniel glared at Headache as Cousland did him. Her fists on either side of her body clenched her hands holding the urge to give him one good punch. Nathaniel smirked at the sight in front of him. Victory over his enjoyed detection of sore spot and possible final pleasure to get back at his father's killer and home invader.

Headache losing hold of the final stages of her anger began, -"What I do with _**MY**_ _**KEEP**_ is of no concern to you, Warden. Your father relinquished familial rights to it by betraying our now departed King Cailan by co-conspiring with that bastard Loghain. Rendon betrayed my father by attempting to assassinate every member of my family and everyone else in the castle. Destroying my home and then usurping my father's title making himself a Teyrn when the title never belonged to him or your family. I served justice the day I slayed that monster you called your father. He was no hero by the time I reached him. I reciprocated the favor. Your father bit off more than he could chew. How can you believe in your father's innocence? You are an arrogant a fool"-. As Cousland gave further contemplation to what Nathaniel comments on clinging to Alistair on the first opportunity before Anora turned her calculating conniving claws onto her man. Cousland's angered temper turning into rage to his offense, -"…and as for my love, Alistair, your current King"-. Her right opened palm with a mind of its own motioned towards Nathaniel flew towards his face landing a strong red imprint on his left cheek. His face turned towards its designated side.

Elyssa's feelings for her Griffin, her Ali are pure, he's her first love. She has been so weary of having to defend herself from malicious men with ulterior motives, calculating harpies and every noble between Landsmeet and the Ferelden nation. For the first time in her life she succumbs to a physical altercation outside the combat field for her man. Well, no. She remembered she took a hidden dagger she had behind her royal gown to stab the empress of Orlais, Celene, being way too friendly and touchy towards Alistair. If not for Bann Teagan, well his career as an Ambassador between Orlais and Ferelden would have been short and Headaches' actions could have started a war. The Royal Court's disparagement of Alistair's decisions and ability to rule, treating him as Teyrn Eamon Guerrin now turned Royal Advisor to Alistair as a puppet. Eamon rarely needed to do his job as Alistair has done amazing on his own. Eamon makes sure Alistair isn't caught with his trousers down ever again. The noble maiden Harpies volunteer to carry his children. Because in the six months they've married Headache has yet to be with child. Even though Alistair has been pouring his seed into her every morning, night, middle of the night, early morning and sometimes twice throughout the day. The court since knows they're unquiet plays when Alistair and Elyssa recognize they should be. That is when Eamon comes around to scorn the couple as children often are. Ever since the night of the Dark Ritual to keep either her or Alistair alive once they slain the archedemon can do is pray. Pray Morrigan's baby doesn't contest its right to the throne. Although Alistair and Morrigan agreed not to let the child know its ancestral lineage. Headache poured her frustrations, worries, and anxieties into explosive hits that Nathaniel were deserved in that moment for baiting her.

A left fist went flying to Nathaniel's face he caught her hand, **_-"Shite!"-_** thought Cousland. Nathaniels' anger made him not care wanting answers to who his father became. Thomas his brother dead; Adria a lieutenant guard in the family's army was as a mother to him dead, and Delilah who disappeared or dead. All he had of his sister were letters he had found. There remained no one near to Nathaniel to give him answers. It bothered him but for now he presently live not knowing the facts of the story. They had just arrived from a thaig they discovered in Knotwood Hills and tired. Yet curious, wanting a chance at the Commander to see if she is everything the people of Ferelden have given her credit to be. Nathaniel remembered Elyssa with different eyes; born eight years after him.

He still remembered her Name-Day, on a sunny nineteenth of Molioris, Elyssa a sunless ball of fat with dark brown hair in her infancy. Nathaniel arrived to his Amarathine home and visited Highever from the Free Marches every summer. He always teased Fergus by stating they should use his baby sister as a ball to kick around since she looked the part. It wasn't until her fourteenth Name-day that Nathaniel entertained the thought of courting the Cousland girl to his fathers' suggestion. Elyssa owning a well developed body as she came off age to court compared to the older noble young women. Elyssa now at a courting age both families had entertained the idea. Decided he might as well try it. He could always romance the other older young women for a night of passion while he courted Elyssa was still too young to touch.

Last time Nathaniel saw Elyssa looked alluring in jade green with emerald green floral accents on her dress. She wore an amethyst jewel necklace that hung around her neck resting above her bosom stealing glances at her chest. While Arl Rendon Howe, his father glared at his son on the day he left eight years ago. But now she was a full grown woman, body matching her age of twenty-two. Nowhere near the young lady had he left behind to finish his studies and stewardship for in the Free Marches.

Nathaniel saw his Commander's knotted left hand flying when he caught her wrist. He enjoyed baiting the Hero of Ferelden as he seized his fathers' killer's neck. As his left hand lifted her up he slammed her against the bookshelf knocking the books above her head. Nathaniel just needed to break her neck and leave with the satisfaction he had taken revenge on his father's killer. Arl Rendon Howe could never betray Ferelden.

-"Bitch."-, Nathaniel hissed in a whisper as Cousland bare feet dangled a foot off the floor as she clawed at his hand. She weighed nothing to him. The back of her head hurt and the air in her lungs bashed out.

Cousland struggled to break free before losing consciousness. The Warden-Commander anchored both legs to Nathaniel's waist; squeezed, wriggled and writhed as much as she could try to release herself from his grip. His now semi-erected penis gained her momentum. She struck him with her right hand on his Adam's apple in the way a snake strikes its prey. Nathaniel grabbed at his neck sensing the pain from her strike. Nathaniel hunched over while her legs still wrapped around him swung herself to his back legs landing on the floor. Cousland prepared herself kicked Nathaniel on the rear of his left knee causing him to buckle to the floor. This time even though Headache was quick and nimble Nathaniel overpowered her due to his strength, size and experience even though he never fought during the Fifth Blight. He was still older and had trained longer as a Ranger Assassin.

As Headache lay on the floor Nathaniel positioned one leg between hers. His right forearm next to her shoulder supporting his body weight with his palm extended on the floor again holding her neck to the floor with his left hand. Her robe had slid open exposing her big on her white long sleeved tunic. As she attempted to sit up Nathaniel forced her back on the floor with her smalls exposed thick yet muscular feminine thighs out on the open. Headache fought Nathaniel but the heat attempting to rise to her high cheekbones. When she sparred clothed in combat armor not without decent clothing. Headache played dirty. She used her Assassin Bard skills to persuade him to stop.

Nathaniel attempted to strangle her for the second time. Elyssa slid out of her red silk robe with embroidered golden roses the knot on her sash came undone from the entire scuffle. Her right shoulder and right breast exposed. Hopeful it got Nathaniel's attention. Trusting he acted noble enough to notice she was semi nude to at least stop his attacks so she could have leverage again.

The opportunity for leverage never came. As Elyssa slid out she grabbed the collar of her robe and threw it to over Nathaniel's head. She grabbed the sash wrapping it around Nathaniel's neck to subdue him was unsuccessful as the robe and sash fell off his head. He fell back and jammed his Commanders' back to the corner of the dark oak wood desk. It sent a white flashing uncontrollable pain on her back making her fall on the floor. It left Elyssa groaning in pain as Nathaniel took the opportunity and he pounced on his Commander with his left fist flying towards her face. Elyssa seeing his maneuver rolled towards her right. Nathaniel punched the floor. Elyssa rolled back into her earlier position now laid on her back. Nathaniel laying on her body now between her legs shook his now bruised fist. Cousland not knowing what else to do to stop his attacks without warning grabs the back of his head bringing Nathaniel's face to hers until they kissed.

It was the most aggressive passionate carnal filled kiss Elyssa had ever given any man. No emotions involved in it just the pretend of physical want of him. Nathaniel reciprocated. He dug his red knuckled hand into her brown black long curled hair pulling her away to catch his breath; Elyssa's teeth still clung to his bottom lip drawing blood.

Nathaniel stunned at what just happened narrowed his gorgeous gray eyes with hues of silver with a ring of black surrounding his iris taking notice to Elyssa's state. Her white tunic clinging above her both forearms, her full delicious honey beige breasts and small brown nipples exposed heaving their tussle. Nathaniel stopped gazing at his Commanders' breasts to give her an annoyed look. Not at what he saw but at the fact he liked her kiss and what he saw. It has been a long time since he's touched a woman. Nathaniel angry at himself for giving into years of sexual want for Elyssa kissed her with passion and lust, anger and hate returned a bloodied kiss. Filled with eagerness he grabbed and squeezed her left breast causing Elyssa to moan in surprise. Nathaniel still angry at his father's killer went along with what Elyssa was doing. He looked at her searching for consent; Headache nodded her head giving it. He intended to make it as unpleasant as possible for her while pleasant enough for him.

Nathaniel's bloodied violent kiss was long enough to leave them both breathless. He stopped for a moment pulling her head towards the right nipping, licking and kissing her leaving his mark on her neck. He did the same to her breasts.

Nathaniel spread Elyssa's legs positioning between them. He lifted the bottom half of the tunic she was wearing above her navel. Nathaniel took a small blade he had hidden in his right boot putting the coldness of it against Elyssa's skin. She motioned her hand in protest to what he was doing. Nathaniel muffled her complaint with his left hand as he pushed her back to the floor bringing his blade up from her thighs to her right hip. He caressed the blade on her skin until he put it under the leather band of her smalls. He cut the bothersome leather free from Elyssa leaving her now moist hot gender exposed and disposing her tunic. As the Commander went to undo Nathaniel's pants he stops her. He grabs both her arms pinning them against the floor tying her hands with her red silk sash. His now shrinking pants were now a bother. His sex now throbbing for her, Nathaniel grabbed the red sash of Elyssa's robe and carries his Commander on his right shoulder to the bedroom in the study.

Once inside the bedroom Nathaniel threw Elyssa on the dark cherry wood bed with satin royal blue covers. As he undid his belt quick Nathaniel tied the belt between her hands and the bedpost. He wanted to be sure she stays helpless to his sexual wish to defile her as no man ever had. He would at least make sure her screams were loud.

For first time in her life exhilarated yet nervous. She thought,** -_"Maker what did I get myself into?"-_**, her decision set to use her Bard Assassin skills. She would use sex to manipulate him. Again she thought, _\- **"At least my training is working on the arrogant arse."**-_ Still disliking Nathaniel's full control. It also bothered her he was being nowhere near as gentle as he should be too rough for her liking. He'd already grabbed and kissed her rough enough to leave several marks by the next day not mentioning their earlier altercation. It bothered her, the way he handled her like an overused whore a man buys at a brothel he could do whatever he wanted to for the night.

The helpless Warden-Commander, watched Nathaniel take his black leather boots and beige colored shirt off showing how fit he is. Cousland watched him undress, saw every sinew of his toned chest, abdominal muscles and well defined arms. Elyssa bit her bottom lips at the sight of his body. Within every passing moment the need to rake her nails through his chest while she kissed and licked him down to his erection grew strong. Elyssa could see the size of the head of his erection, peaking out through his smalls his tip close to the bottom of his navel. It was thick and as lengthy, her thoughts were whether the sex would give her discomfort or pleasure and her need for Nathaniel in her. Would she need to brace herself when he entered? Nathaniel hadn't shown gentility towards Elyssa.

Nathaniel crawled on the bed spreading her legs. He parted Elyssa's nether lips with the slow and gentle flicker of the tip of his tongue on the nub of her sex. With a slight hooked right handed pointer and middle finger entered her. His slow in and out of her and his alternating tongue movements flicking and small circling driving into the breaking point. Nathaniel sucked and nibbled on her nub and her inner petals sending Elyssa to the brink of a moan. All she could do was bite her shoulder as she attempted to control her breathing with little avail. As he sensed Elyssa nearing la petite mort, Nathaniel ravished her into an enthralled tease.

Elyssa breathily moaning, -"Nathaniel, please! Mmm, don't stop."-, her face flushed from the amount of pleasure she had never known. Not even from Alistair, as she tried to hide her face from her animalistic carnal moans.

With a mischievous look in his eyes as he smiled, Nathaniel replied, -"You shouldn't be embarrassed. After all you're experienced."-, once again returned to his task. Elyssa tightened around Nathaniel's hand. His fingers sliding in and out faster until she let out a stubborn echoing sob of release never let out before their tryst. The orgasm left her in a puddle of her sweet juices under her. Nathaniel rose kiss her hard tasting herself on his lips. Cousland liked the flavor of her on him. Nathaniel then straddled himself on Elyssa's chest pinning her on the bed even further.

Before she was able form another sentence Nathaniel entered her mouth. His manhood moved in and out of her hard and fast. He motioned Elyssa's hair as he held her head in his hand his fingers digging into the back of her curls. She found it even harder to breath as Nathaniel became aggressive sometimes choking Elyssa with his member as she tasted the beginnings of his seed. He growled and his moans got louder as his other hand squeeze her right breast tight enough for her to be in discomfort. Nathaniel tempted to burst in her mouth but stopped himself short of doing so. Her humiliation is not yet complete. He wants to ruin her name and title to start. To defile his King's whore wife would and to humiliate the bastard who helped kill his father even if it meant being exiled or death. Either way he had nothing to lose.

Nathaniel stopped and unsheathed himself from Elyssa Cousland's mouth giving her an even harder kiss causing her upper corner of her lips to slit open. A protesting cry escaped Elyssa's bloodied lips, _-"Mmm!"-,_ as she searched for her tiny would on her lip with the tip of her tongue. He grabbed the back of Elyssa's now messy brown black curls pulling her head back. Revealing the sinew of her slim delicate neck whispering in a low husky assertive tone under her left ear, _-"Shhh_, you forfeit your want for control, milady."- He kissed Elyssa's neck as he affirmed her situation forging her sense of raw appetite for him. 1It felt new to her even though she already had sexual experience. Alistair has always been gentle, kind and loving in their intimate sexual moments. With Nathaniel it is new, raw, carnal and primal want, making her euphoric yet ashamed for being unfaithful to Alistair.

Nathaniel kissed her neck and nibbled on her ear gripping her right breast with a gentle pinching her brown nipple. His lips traveling down bit by bit licking and nibbling each breast switching to the other not wanting to leave either out. Cousland's hips moved upwards. He released a small chuckle from his engulfed mouth ignoring Elyssa's physical pleas for him to give her once again sexual release.

Elyssa pulled at her constraints wanting to reach for his shaft. She licked and sucked lower lip a small whine escaped her lips. Nathaniel slid down to her center of pleasure devouring her as if he depended on her for sustenance. Couslands' moans turning into loud pleasured sobs becoming resonant in the bedroom. As the Commander grabbed on to the bed post with a reverberant, -_"Oh, Maker, yes!"-_ Her gradual flush creeping back up from her reaction knowing anyone could have heard her. As Nathaniel wiped his lips clean with the back of his light tanned white skin observing Elyssa joined her legs. Elyssa has never felt such a strong electric sensation between her legs as if she would implode at any moment, trying to catch her breath she bit on her shoulder. Oh, the sensitivity on her bud.

-"Please, I beg you, fuck me! Fuck me as hard as you want."- Said Elyssa in sensuous desperate pleas for Nathaniel. Not being able to ignore his throbbing erection he opens her legs pulling Elyssa to him and tearing deep into her. Another loud moan escaped her lips pleasure mixed with a delicious ache. The kind that hurts so good it makes you happy to be alive. In no sense is Alistair small, he too is endowed just not as thick.

Nathaniel now aware of his size propped the Warden-Commanders' legs above his shoulders. Elyssa's legs above her chest putting part of his weight on her body pinning her to the bed. His sex now deep inside her sheathed and unsheathed himself at alternating speeds many times. Nathaniel went too far as he sheathed himself in a speedy tempo hearing Elyssa's cry in pain from being too rough.

-"Forgive me, milady, I did not mean to hurt you."-, Nathaniel said in a low sexy whisper pausing for a moment to kiss her on the lips. He coaxed Elyssa to unprop her legs from his shoulders as she attempted to sit up, Nathaniel kissed her forehead before having her knees facing the bedpost. Nathaniel somewhat sheathed himself into her center going deep inside with each movement. He sped up his rhythm Elyssa matching his. Nathaniel reached around the center of her core to rub her clitoris steadfast as he entered and exited her many times. Elyssa buried her face into her royal blue satin pillow to deafen her increasing sobs of satisfaction.

As both Elyssa and Nathaniel were getting closer to the edge his member throbbed and pulsated inside, her sheath tightened and spasmed. He motioned Elyssa to straddle him. Nathaniel lay on his back to free his belt from the constraint of her sash on the bedpost but not the crimson prison around her wrists, Elyssa rode him. Both lovers matching each others unbridled rhythm and athleticism. Finally arriving at the edge Nathaniel let out vociferous growling moans calling out for her name as Elyssa cried out for his.

Both out of breath, Elyssa laid her head on Nathaniel's chest listening to his loud beating heart. Reality crept back on Elyssa. She ordered Nathaniel to pick up his clothes and leave her bedroom. Elyssa made Nathaniel to give her his word to never mention their tryst to anyone. She worked hard to hide her increasing shame even though it threatened to overwhelm.

A now dressed Nathaniel walked to open the door out of his Commander's study room; Captain Garavel motioned his hand to knock on her door. -" Grey Warden Howe is everything ok? Senechal Varel suggested I come up and check on Warden-Commander Cousland-Theirin"-. The curious captain of the keep's guard asked giving Nathaniel a suspicious look.

Nathaniel motioned his right hand to the captain to follow him down the hall in front of his bedroom, -"It was a mild disagreement. One of many that we have as per usual is now resolved in heated debate. It's best to leave her be until tomorrow morning. Good night, Captain Garavel."- As he delivered a polite nod.

The Captain answering in a mild incredulous voice, -"Yes, well, until tomorrow, Ser Nathaniel. Good night"-. Nathaniel watched the captain disappeared into the hallway across from the Commanders' room entering his own with a smile on his face.


End file.
